i would punch a child for taco bell
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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