I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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