just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
