i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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