it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
