I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
then he tried to convert me to islam
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize