I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
