Girls should come with a carfax report
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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