So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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