i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
