Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
