I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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