similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
