You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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