hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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