WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
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