Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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