Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
