my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
