I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
