mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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