We won't sleep together?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
