I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
