We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
