I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
