yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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