I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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