Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
