hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
