that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
