I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
