Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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