she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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