i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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