does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Never joke about your clitoris.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
