This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
