obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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