I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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