Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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