She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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