Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
