just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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