I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
