I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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