evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i think my cat just said my name.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
