u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
