Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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