Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
