party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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