bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
