it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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