Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
