I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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