Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
