Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
