my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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