Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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