I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
