I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
