She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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