She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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