Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
