i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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