the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
