I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
