ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
