no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
