So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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