At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
