Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.