my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.