If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.