Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me