But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
