I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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