Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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