They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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