You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
