Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize