My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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