If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize